The Victors

Check this shit out, motherfucker. You ever seen the front page of The Victors Board? That’s the Michigan Wolverines message board, the digital courtyard where the faithful gather to talk football, basketball, and whatever the fuck else is on their minds that day.

You walk up on it and the first thing hitting you is the rules, posted right at the top like scripture. “Don’t post any porn.” “Use a * or nm if it’s just a topic.” “Don’t take shit off the board.” And the one that slaps you in the face: “Don’t be a Tom Izzo.” That’s the commandment. You violate that, you get banished. Simple as that.

Then you got the names of the shepherds running the place. Rich, BBA, Nikos holding it down. Ceremonial moderator the wino. Emeritus Beave. Honorary cats BigLake and Blue Man. And the Player of the Year, Craig. These are the men keeping the valley of darkness from swallowing the whole operation.

Right below that you got the links, lined up like a row of Big Kahuna Burgers: MGoBlog, UMHoops, scores, cards, chat, Hall of Fame. All the tools a righteous man needs to stay informed.

And then the announcement, big as day: Michigan versus Western Michigan this Saturday. Pick ’em is open. 127 souls already placed their bets. The game is coming.

After that? The actual front page is just a long, scrolling list of the latest conversations, most recent first. Threads about where some posters are migrating to, some Tarantino movie title drop, Money Honey leaving Fox News, a dude named Boone Craft who just died and apparently had more bodies than Vanessa Del Rio, VIA Rail cars getting built in Canada, lobster rolls in the canteen for fifty dollars in Trump’s America, McCue and Nikos being the future of Michigan sports content. It’s all there, motherfucker. Sports, news, old Detroit street legends, food, politics, random shit. Regular people talking regular shit, some of it profound, some of it just noise.That’s the front page. No fancy graphics. No algorithm trying to tell you what to think. Just the raw, unfiltered word of the Victors, laid out for anybody who wants to read it.

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness. This board is one of those valleys. And the people posting on it? They’re trying, Ringo. They’re trying real hard to be the shepherd. Some days they succeed. Some days they just argue about lobster rolls.

That’s The Victors Board front page. You understand that? Good. Now don’t be a Tom Izzo.