I've had a similar evolution

Posted on September 24, 2026 at 02:40:01 PM by Alpo

Mostly I've evolved due to indirect exposure to it -- people I know have been, or maybe still are, involved in swap/swinging. Once I got past the salacious aspect of it I realized that they're really jsut normal people who have a different view on marriage, sex, commitment, etc. than I do and that different =/= "wrong." My views eventually expanded and forced me to think about why *I* think the way that I do and I've come to understand that "control" -- by a partner, by the culture, by the religion that heavily influenced that culture -- is a big part of shaping people's attitudes about sex.

I do think, still, that no matter hard you might not want it to, sex is still foundational to marriage, to emotional vulnerability and trust, and that bringing in other people into that dynamic creates substantial risk to your relationship. And if you're happy in that relationship, why risk it just to get your rocks off a bit more.

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Thread:

On Swinging and flexible monogomy... - By Beave September 24, 2026 at 01:48:47 PM
- I've had a similar evolution - By Alpo September 24, 2026 at 02:40:01 PM
  - You're right brother, everything in life is about sex.... - By jonpc September 24, 2026 at 03:32:56 PM
  - How much of swinging do you think comes from: You want to cheat? OK, if you cheat, I will cheat too so let's do this in a controlled way.* - By MasterBates September 24, 2026 at 02:42:39 PM
    - I think it is more "I love you, I want to be married to you and spend my life with you, but I'm bored. Let's spice things up."* - By Alpo September 24, 2026 at 02:45:41 PM
- I would say that fidelity is important to me personally, but I think people should do what they want, as long as they aren't hurting anyone. When someone is hurt or a victim, that pisses me off. * - By Kevin September 24, 2026 at 01:55:25 PM
  - Yes do what's best for you if you're not hurting anyone. If that involves non-traditional relationships or sex lives, good for them.* - By Beave September 24, 2026 at 01:56:38 PM
    - Like you I have become more tolerant of others. But the danger is the potential impact on people close to them. And also ultimately with one's morals/beliefs* - By Rich September 24, 2026 at 02:27:50 PM
- I think that’s reasonable and I struggle to think there’s anything immoral about consensual non-monogamy. Different story when you introduce social dynamics that cause relational rifts.* - By WOK September 24, 2026 at 01:51:46 PM
  - The problem is that it doesn't actually work.* - By LS&Play September 24, 2026 at 01:53:14 PM
    - Half of marriages end in divorce. Who is to say what works?* - By WOK September 24, 2026 at 02:11:14 PM
      - (More like 2/5ths.)* - By ftb September 24, 2026 at 02:21:41 PM
    - That's a different conversation. What little data we have on long-term polyamorous and open relationships isn't good. - By Beave September 24, 2026 at 02:00:53 PM
      - That was what blew up my sister's marriage. She initiated the polyamory. It was all well and good until he started fucking other people, too. - By Alpo September 24, 2026 at 02:50:47 PM
      - I don’t know the answer to this question: is the little data we have skewed by the fact that many ENM ppl keep this info to themselves due to social stigma? - By Craig September 24, 2026 at 02:12:38 PM
      - I can't imagine it is healthy for kids to find out their mom is getting plowed by multiple dudes while their dad watches. Or vice versa.* - By MasterBates September 24, 2026 at 02:09:19 PM
        
        Possible counterpoint: is it healthy for kids to find out that dad plowed mom last night on the very couch they are now sitting on?*** - By Craig September 24, 2026 at 02:16:07 PM
        
        I am sure they prefer that than mom getting plowed on that same couch by the neighbor while their dad plowed the neighbor's wife on the breakfast table high chair.*r. - By MasterBates September 24, 2026 at 02:21:02 PM
        
        Ultimately they prefer to see their parents as completely asexual and don't want to think for two milliseconds about anybody plowing their mother.* - By Alpo September 24, 2026 at 03:05:25 PM
        
        Exactly.* - By LS&Play September 24, 2026 at 02:10:44 PM
      - I don't disagree with any of that. But it's hard for me to say "people should do whatever" when those kinds of behaviors have a much higher risk of blowing up the lives of so many people around them.* - By LS&Play September 24, 2026 at 02:04:32 PM

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I've had a similar evolution