would you be expected not to drink if he attends?

Posted on September 24, 2026 at 05:40:13 PM by Arctic (edited September 24, 2026 at 05:41:29 PM)

One of my closest friends quit drinking 3 years ago, he seems to have no problem with our group of friends continuing to drink in his presence. I always feel a little guilty drinking around him. At first it was mildly awkward, but he's come out for a few sailing trips and it wasn't any different beyond there being more soda on the boat, and when I'm back in Michigan we still meet up at a bar.

Strangely, I have quit drinking around my GFs family, who all love to drink but probably shouldn't drink. She figured out what was going on this summer when I started going up to the cabin with absolutely everything but booze, but still haven't really talked about my decision.

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Thread:

I might be a horrible person - By Alpo September 24, 2026 at 05:33:18 PM
- I've had periods of sobriety and never once expected people not to drink around me* - By Poster P September 24, 2026 at 06:17:46 PM
  - I think it is more "Let's be supportive of his (very recent) recovery than Jason would expect no one to drink around him. - By Alpo September 24, 2026 at 06:26:53 PM
    - What happened to him? Did all the bad stuff come from the drinking?* - By LS&Play September 24, 2026 at 06:28:32 PM
      - I hear it all second hand, but it sounds like it. - By Alpo September 24, 2026 at 06:36:30 PM
- Why do you have to be supportive? If he can’t be around alcohol, he shouldn’t be invited. Your friend is the asshole for inviting him without asking. It is crazy* - By BBA September 24, 2026 at 06:13:18 PM
- lol. I’d like to bring a buddy to Thanksgiving dinner, is it cool if we don’t eat meat in front of him? - By Rabbit September 24, 2026 at 06:04:32 PM
  - LOL* - By brick September 24, 2026 at 06:39:03 PM
- Nope, you’re right. By the way (m) - By LS&Play September 24, 2026 at 05:57:17 PM
- As someone who has been in AA for a long time, this is on him, not you. In my early sobriety, I skipped a friend's bachelor party for this reason exactly. Have been to several later on, once I was in a good place* - By Rags September 24, 2026 at 05:54:00 PM
- Just have to tell the friend who invited him that your relationship with the guy in recovery is not important enough to you to make it a dry trip. Harsh but true. (nm) - By suede September 24, 2026 at 05:47:03 PM
- Swinger story day just got a little weird* - By cp September 24, 2026 at 05:46:04 PM
  - brilliant* - By Maize4 September 24, 2026 at 06:08:09 PM
- Be honest with you friend - By el fuego September 24, 2026 at 05:45:12 PM
- Nope. Not on you at all* - By Deezy September 24, 2026 at 05:43:02 PM
- That doesn’t make you a bad person, imo. If I were involved I might tell the buddy who wants to invite the guy - By brick September 24, 2026 at 05:41:28 PM
  - He is the guy that brought it up and said "we would need to be conscious of not drinking in front of him."* - By Alpo September 24, 2026 at 05:43:49 PM
    - Kind of ballsy to want to invite someone to your hunting cabin with the caveat that there be no drinking IMO. * - By django September 24, 2026 at 05:50:25 PM
      - To be fair, he said "How about inviting Jason?", to which a couple guys on the group chat said "fine with me." Then came the "we would need to be consacious..." caveat. - By Alpo September 24, 2026 at 05:54:06 PM
    - Ooof. Kind of uncool of your friend, in my view, and I say that as someone who only drinks a little - By brick September 24, 2026 at 05:44:26 PM
- would you be expected not to drink if he attends? - By Arctic September 24, 2026 at 05:40:13 PM
  - Yes, that would be the expectation.* - By Alpo September 24, 2026 at 05:42:51 PM
    - Well that's ridiculous. I thought you meant you just didn't want him to come because you wanted everyone to get drunk. - By LewisBullox September 24, 2026 at 06:08:32 PM
- I mean it's on the alkie to control himself imo, and he knows if he comes there will be drinking. It's not on you* - By Daytripper September 24, 2026 at 05:38:52 PM

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would you be expected not to drink if he attends?